GAWD! I was just out for a stroll...

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Originally uploaded by bosiahj.

I wonder if it is blogging that has brought all these restless things to my mind? No, guess it isn't because they were definitely there yesterday all day and I just started my blog last night. Anyway, sometimes I just HATE thinking but it seems like it cannot be stopped... it just happens and I feel so powerless against it. I was telling Joanna last night that it is like I am outside myself looking on as I happened. The difference is that last night I had no emotional feelings about what I was watching and I felt so objective about it! This morning... feelings abound and can't be tallied or even identified as they flit by.

I sat down to do homework and for the sevety-fifth time in a row was so uninspired by what I was looking at that I was completely incapable of making any progress. I think that was when the walk began. It sometimes is seriously like I must not be occupying myself because I seem to have no choice when or for how long my brain will churn about subjects which I do not know what to do about. I mean, its weird. Its like I watched as I went for a walk in the woods and yet I was also there to experience the things I found. I'm feeling more and more like a two year old. I can't even decide when the walk starts or ends never mind where I will walk to! I think my brain is hyperactive. Maybe it has ADHD? But seriously, I can say with sincerity that I have often thought of the idea that maybe my brain is not as advanced as it should be for my age. I don't mean that I am stupid... God knows my friends and even teachers would never permit me to say that! I just mean that emotionally/mentally I am maybe not quite as far along as a normal 22 year old. Normalcy is something to wonder about anyway, but that is far from the topic at hand. Maybe some other day I can rant about that.

Back to my walk, I was thinking about life in general (partly inspired by what I read at Boj's blog) and this thought process was like totally out of my control... I was just witnessing it (and being emotionally affected by it). What a weird mind I have... too many thoughts to explain. Besides, I ran out of time and had to go to lunch. So, I guess this post will kind of just trail off... I can't seem to pick up where I left off. I think that's a good thing anyway.