To Baghdad...
...or not to Baghdad, that is the question.
I have been too busy to post here for a while, but I am in great distress again, so I am making the time although I should be sleeping... again, it is a fleece, a hope that someone will read it and respond to it and that this response will be, in someway, what I needed to hear.
Anyway, here's what is happening. About four weeks ago I was in great turmoil and very dissatisfied with my life as it is progressing. During this trauma, I heard that we had been offered the chance to help put a wireless network in place for the new Baghdad police force if we were willing and able to send some guys over there. This is one of the kinds of work I am interested in and I think it would be very thrilling to be in Baghdad at the moment, so I was very excited by the idea. I don't know what the excitement really came from, but as soon as I heard about the possibility I got this weird, peaceful but insistant feeling that I would be going over to Iraq for this job. I mean, it was strange and completely unexplainable, but I had this knowledge that the experience would be both good an enjoyable and it was so strong that it even felt like it was a sure thing that I was going.
I mentioned this (a desire to take part in the opportunity) to several people. My parents had opposite reactions at the dinner table, predictable really. My mom freaked and was mad that I would even consider it and my dad asked if he could come too (ever one to ease a tense moment!). I mentioned it at home and Rebekah came unglued at the thought. Everyone else in the house seemed more or less in support but not at all opposed to the thought of me going to Iraq, but Rebekah couldn't dream of it. I never could get a satisfactory answer to the paguing question, "why?", but I suspect it is based on some fear that I wouldn't make it back.
Anyway, all that was about four weeks ago and I brushed the whole thing off as a crazy idea that Bill had entertained and no one else was really interested in. When Bill went off to be with his father (who is recovering from a broken back), I assumed the whole thing would die like so many of his other fancies do.
Not so.
Wednesday, Richard nabbed me on my way home just before lunch to as me what my "witness" was on the subject. I had to be honest and say that I hadn't even asked the Lord whether or not He wanted me to go. I mean, I thought it was all a joke, and suddenly it had resurfaced very seriously as a possibility. So, I have been giving the whole issue serious thought and prayer. To make matters worse, my dad has talked to me twice about it and told me to make sure I hear from (and know that I heard from) the Lord before I commit to this one way or the other. Karen, who is totally against the idea of sending loved ones into a possibly dangerous situation (Odd, since she is totally in support of Bush and his war, that she doesn't want to support by allowing loved ones to make their contribution.), came and basically said the same thing only in not so few words. And there have been several prayer requests that we be sure we have heard from the Lord on the issue (all with the bend that we should not really consider this an option). Well, I have been asking but I have not felt any change or heard any word. How can I go to a meeting tomorrow with nothing? I'm right where I started, with a weird excitement and premonition that it is right for me and will happen, but with no clear support that this thought came from God.
I am in distress... God please be clear. I know that there is danger lurking in the possibility of being there right now, but I also know that there is an opportunity of a life time waiting across the ocean. Everything in me says, "Go for it!" but it would be nice to have some confirmation. In fact, it will be necessary to have a lot of confirmation I'm pretty sure. Anyway, its all still inconclusive and that is what is hard. The conclusion has to be reached before the next 24 hours are up and I am feeling the crunch of time. It's not the sort of decision you want to make in a hurry, but I think it is going to have to be that way.
The inconclusivity of it all is hard, but I am reminding myself that no matter what becomes of the whole thing, God is in control and what He wanted all along will be done and it will be good.
And with that I bid you all a good night (day actually - how did it get to be so late?) and go to bed.
I have been too busy to post here for a while, but I am in great distress again, so I am making the time although I should be sleeping... again, it is a fleece, a hope that someone will read it and respond to it and that this response will be, in someway, what I needed to hear.
Anyway, here's what is happening. About four weeks ago I was in great turmoil and very dissatisfied with my life as it is progressing. During this trauma, I heard that we had been offered the chance to help put a wireless network in place for the new Baghdad police force if we were willing and able to send some guys over there. This is one of the kinds of work I am interested in and I think it would be very thrilling to be in Baghdad at the moment, so I was very excited by the idea. I don't know what the excitement really came from, but as soon as I heard about the possibility I got this weird, peaceful but insistant feeling that I would be going over to Iraq for this job. I mean, it was strange and completely unexplainable, but I had this knowledge that the experience would be both good an enjoyable and it was so strong that it even felt like it was a sure thing that I was going.
I mentioned this (a desire to take part in the opportunity) to several people. My parents had opposite reactions at the dinner table, predictable really. My mom freaked and was mad that I would even consider it and my dad asked if he could come too (ever one to ease a tense moment!). I mentioned it at home and Rebekah came unglued at the thought. Everyone else in the house seemed more or less in support but not at all opposed to the thought of me going to Iraq, but Rebekah couldn't dream of it. I never could get a satisfactory answer to the paguing question, "why?", but I suspect it is based on some fear that I wouldn't make it back.
Anyway, all that was about four weeks ago and I brushed the whole thing off as a crazy idea that Bill had entertained and no one else was really interested in. When Bill went off to be with his father (who is recovering from a broken back), I assumed the whole thing would die like so many of his other fancies do.
Not so.
Wednesday, Richard nabbed me on my way home just before lunch to as me what my "witness" was on the subject. I had to be honest and say that I hadn't even asked the Lord whether or not He wanted me to go. I mean, I thought it was all a joke, and suddenly it had resurfaced very seriously as a possibility. So, I have been giving the whole issue serious thought and prayer. To make matters worse, my dad has talked to me twice about it and told me to make sure I hear from (and know that I heard from) the Lord before I commit to this one way or the other. Karen, who is totally against the idea of sending loved ones into a possibly dangerous situation (Odd, since she is totally in support of Bush and his war, that she doesn't want to support by allowing loved ones to make their contribution.), came and basically said the same thing only in not so few words. And there have been several prayer requests that we be sure we have heard from the Lord on the issue (all with the bend that we should not really consider this an option). Well, I have been asking but I have not felt any change or heard any word. How can I go to a meeting tomorrow with nothing? I'm right where I started, with a weird excitement and premonition that it is right for me and will happen, but with no clear support that this thought came from God.
I am in distress... God please be clear. I know that there is danger lurking in the possibility of being there right now, but I also know that there is an opportunity of a life time waiting across the ocean. Everything in me says, "Go for it!" but it would be nice to have some confirmation. In fact, it will be necessary to have a lot of confirmation I'm pretty sure. Anyway, its all still inconclusive and that is what is hard. The conclusion has to be reached before the next 24 hours are up and I am feeling the crunch of time. It's not the sort of decision you want to make in a hurry, but I think it is going to have to be that way.
The inconclusivity of it all is hard, but I am reminding myself that no matter what becomes of the whole thing, God is in control and what He wanted all along will be done and it will be good.
And with that I bid you all a good night (day actually - how did it get to be so late?) and go to bed.
posted by Bosiahj at 11:53 PM
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